I passed

I passed the PhD qualifying exams this week. Finally. In second attempt at oral exams. Freaking oral exams!

Someday

Sometimes it's hard to keep up your spirit. But that's what you should do.

Sometimes some decisions bite back so hard that you wish you have undo button in life.

Sometimes you wish you be somewhere else but you aren't.

Sometimes your life is hard because that's the time you wanted when it wasn't.
Sometimes you almost want to be detached of everything but you cant just because there is 'so much' of everything that it will take forever.

Holi and Mr. Jack

After a long time I took a break and it was holi party at a friend's house. I cooked indian cuisines 'chhole and puri' with american touch which means less spices and some saucy flavor. There were some american friends who were not known to be very familiar with spicy food. Puris were amazingly good when they came out of the fry pan. Round and puffy! Chhole were also nice . There was  a lot more.  A genuine american homemade apple cake. lemon cookies. Peanut cookies. Some Hydrabadi dishes brought memories from Hyderabad. I think I like that place. And my tounge has somewhat developed taste for spicy hydrabadi food. We ate and ate and ate.
Anyways that was food. played some games for the afternoon. Playing mafia with 12 people is fun. Last part was holi colors. On the river bank under the bridge. That was our playing ground. It was my first dry holi but it was no less fun than wet ones. We were joined by some passer-bys who I think enjoyed the colors as well. And we also got audience from over the bridge.
Returning back in all variety of colors on faces and cloths the pervasive feeling was that it was a nice celebration of festival of colors and the end if spring break. Coincidently  it was also St. Patrick.'s day in US. On our way back we were strangely looking creatures covered in colorful cheer.
That was end of the party not the day. For the second time I braved myself for going to a local bar in company of two friends. I remember how bloody bored to death I  was first time. For someone who doesn't drink and dance bar is no place to be. Just sit and sip your coke. From my coke I put the straw in the wine glass and that was the worst taste of my life. It was so terribly awful, to the extremes that I sent it back through the straw in the glass. It was supposed to be some classy scotch Jack Daniels. Mr. Jack was scary! It's really surprising why people drink such awfuly tasting things. So much to get high. So much to fool yourself away from reality.

Confidence

It is amazing what self confidence (our it's lack thereof) can do to you.

Solitude matters

In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated.
The power of introverts.

Virus

I've been a little busy last few weeks. And little sick too. The viral infection in throat keeps haunting again and again. I hate viruses. Im on the verge of recovery now.

Out of office

So now I am 'out of office'! Quite literally. May be it is the ghost of last semester exam chasing. I don't know what's the thing about freaking oral exams that people have kinkiness for. But weather you like it or not. It all comes in a package. It is about a month before I take them on for the second time. Having a sense of dejavu preparing for the same stuff over and over again. Never thought this will happen but as Mother Mary said let it be. It doesn't matter what you know it matters what you show.

Im not pessimist but I like thinking about worst things because if just in case they fall upon you, you are not caught by surprise. As I was last semester.

Busy

You know you are busy when the only time you remember that you have to get a new soap is when you are half drenched in shower and looking for it. And then end up using your flatmates'. Thanks that I am not living alone.

Laugh

Laugh because you are here!

All

I know I am not writing a lot these days. The school has started and the first week has flown past. The week was okay. We ordered dough mixer from amazon in our apartment and first test run was today. It is used to knead the wheat flour for Chapatis. The experiment was successful if you define success =1 and failure =0 and then round off the outcome to closest integer. ;)

I am considering taking sometime off from blogger. May be it is not a nice idea. But I could give it a try. Meanwhile there is significant change in nocturnal habits. You can see me sleep as early as 11 these days and get up before 8 am. Btw 8 am is the time here at this time of year when the Sun has just come up. Sunrise time is close to 7:45. So one of these days when I reached home all juiced up and just crashed in the bed and when woke up (without alarm beeping) in the bed found it was still dark and thought it might be 7:__ odd something and went to bathroom and came back and took time and bath and then breakfast, just the usual one, cornflakes in milk, and then looked at the clock and it was 6:15 and I was like, wow! surprised. Surprised! Wow.

I am also playing squash officially this semester in an intermediate level course. It is nice fun. I get to play against a lot of people and learn a lot. Everything is going so nice. Except for the thing for which I am here. Research.

Sweets from home

12th semester starts next week. My targets are pushed back somewhat. But Im in fight. Today it started with TA workshop mandatory for all people who will be TA (Teaching Assistant). I will be taking up job of TA for two courses.

Today was a happy day! I received the package of home-made sweets,pickles and snacks. Home sweet home and home-made sweets. Wow! They look nice. Be my guest. :)

Reminiscence

Sometimes I remember the old days when I used to travel back home. From Kanpur to Allahabad my hometown on train. The early morning seemed so nice. It was so different. So calm all around only the birds chirping. And the sunset/sunrise in the rustic background of the hostel (Hall 9) was a treat to watch. I kind of miss those mornings. And the evenings too when I would just stand in at the end of last block facing west. The breeze was so strong you could almost hear it sing the kind of songs which inspired William Wordsworth. I am not a gifted poet but I am human I can feel the same.
At the back of hostel, in fact on three sides, there were a vast ground usually covered with tall bushes. The kind of bushes you see on Africa jungles on NGC. In the dawn and dusk the sun against the high rise bushes made a lovely picture. You ought to see it. I wish I could see it again. A picture will give you some idea. It was nothing like living in such a place. It is priceless.

Duniya mein hun duniya ka talabgaar nahi hu

Duniya mein hun duniya ka talabgaar nahin hun
Bazar se guzara hun kharidar nahin hun

Zinda hun magar zist ki lazzat nahin baqi
har chand ki hun hosh mein hoshiyar nahin hun

Iss Khaanaa-e-hasti se guzar jaunga belaus
Saaya hun faqat naqsh-e-diivaar nahin hun

Afasurda hun ibaarat se davaa ki nahin hajat
Gum kaa mujhe ye zauf hai bimaar nahin hun

Wo gull hun khizan ne jise barbaad kiya hai
Uljhun kisi daman se main vo khaar nahin hun

---

(This poem is in urdu. Poet is Akbar Allahabadi)
Translation of urdu words:
talabgaar - some one who desires
zist - life/existance
lazzat - flavor
Khaanaa - room/house/compartment
hasti - existance
belaus - without any trace
faqat - beauty/elegance
Afasurda - melancholy/depressed
ibaarat - metaphorical meaning/ style
hajat - desire
gull - flower
khaar - thorn
more urdu words?

Home alone

The time has passed quickly after we got back from Chicago. All the mates who share apartment with me are gone for the break and I'm home alone! Living alone, cooking alone. :(
Although it can be argued that I am not among the extrovert living beings, I am more used to seeing people around me.
Not much to get started till 10th, the day we start the lab group meetings. I am not very sure of how long I will stay in the group but I will have to go to the meetings anyway.
When you chose advisor what is more important? What are you working in or who are you working with? Obviously second question will haunt you to desperation if you ignore it.

Btw since it is new year new year wishes to all of you. Although there was nothing new this new year

Cold

Caught cold in the windy city. Fever is okay now. But still having some throat infection. The medicines are of no use. Even the doc said I'll have to endure for 3-5 days. Just sitting idle at home.

End of it

Finally the eleventh semester of life and first at UMN has ended. With only 2 courses at stakes it was not very difficult that way. But I had other things to worry about and those things did not end the way I would have liked them to end. In fact they did not end with me failing to pass the oral qualifying exam. I am taking it again next semester. I seriously don't know what more is left for me to prepare for the content of the exam. May be I will change the subjects this time and study something new instead of repeating old stuff. And may be practice thinking-on-your-feet. Answering on paper and on blackboard in front of people can be very different things.

Anyways that was the end of it. Good or bad. All things must pass. I will do whatever best I can next time. And also I will be TA for two of the courses and no research work next semester as direct repercussion of the above result. But that might be a blessing in disguise. How? I don't know. Just waiting for next semester to end. And let some haze clear out.

Anyways that was it. It has ended. And the next one has not yet begun. Caught between the semester tomorrow is a nice day for roadtrip to Chicago with 4 other guys. Starting in the morning and then coming four days later. I seriously don't know what are we going to do this many days. Chicago might not be worth 3/4 days of visit. But going with a group so let it be. Accidentally I will be in Chicago during Christmas which is a big day in USA. Until I return I will not write so Merry Christmas people. Folks in Minneapolis are disappointed that it is going to be non-white xmas this time. Thankfully it hasn't snowed much yet here.

Last days

It is last few days of the semester. Everybody seems to be looking for the vacations. What have I to look for? An exam on Tuesday and then cookie exchange party with the lab group members. I am not sure what to expect from next semester. Or the coming break. I so desperately wanna nail the final day on Tuesday. But thereafter? Oh and I have a question. Can I bring along cake instead of cookies in the cookie exchange? Cake is a lot easier to make.

Poster & suicides

Today I had a poster presentation and it was not as bad as I thought it would do. Team of 4 we did not start off on time but then slogged a bit in the end to reach there. It was not outstanding but it looked more than over-a-weekend project. As a matter of fact we worked quite more than over-a-weekend.
The results although wrong looked feasible :).

I am reading this report on suicides at IITK. I will post a comment by Director Prof. Dhande: "We are all very concerned about what is happening. Though there are number of factors that are responsible for academically linked suicides at IITs, these can be curbed by systemic reforms. The council is not an insensitive body and I am sure some of these reforms will come up for discussion at the meeting." And now here are some of the suggestions by different fact finding committees setup after each suicides: "replace ceiling fans with pedestal fans in hostel rooms, eliminate single rooms from hostel, jam the cell phones or slow down internet speed."

Suicide rate at IITK is 10 times the average of suicides rate in north India. Also a peculiar thing about the state-wise suicide rate is that the southern supposed more educated and well-off states have much higher suicide rates than norther 'poor' states UP, Bihar. So, statistically speaking, if you want to live DONT STUDY!

Down but not out

Im down but not out. Failing the exam once seems difficult to bear partly because I am not conditioned to handle academic failures. Things have become a little bit complicated but I will sort it out. Only thing that I did not expect was the kind of support from my advisor. It does not help when hours before exam your advisor says that you do not have understanding of subject and (s)he is uncertain of supporting you.
It's just a bad phase which I will get over.

peom

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