Are you a doctor?

Are you a doctor? What kind of doctor?
Apollo clinic claims to provide;
"The best clinicians in their fields. A commitment to the latest technology. A caring and compassionate approach to customers and families". I fail to see its validity and request you to help me understand the veracity of the above claim in view of the following experience.

My mom was a 'customer' of Apollo clinic Allahabad since  last 1.5 years. She has been a regular visitor and went to him with the shortening of breath problem among few others like allergy to pollen,dust, cold, loss of sleep, severe coughing, etc.
She was being treated for thyroid, which she seems to suffering since a long time. But the respiratory problems never alleviated. And this week she went to Artemis hospital in Gurgaon and almost immediately she was diagnosed with COPD (Chronic Obstructive pulmonary Disease) at severe stage with severe lung damage as well as ABPA. Do you see here how miserably has the doctor failed here? In spite being a regular visitor for over 1.5 years and reporting respiratory problem all the while it was detected only at severe stage. I mean come on. COPD is not a disease which happens to 1 in million or something which is very new. This being a chronic problem means there is no treatment.Only thing we can do now is to stop it from worsening and learn to live with it. You can't imagine how helpless I feel. I thought that amidst the era of burgeoning scientific progress diseases

Who is responsible for her condition? My Mom? Because she consulted a doctor who seems to be incapable of either treating or referring to an able person? Or the doctor who did nothing to stop the development of a chronic disease under his watch? Or the authorities who thought he is fit to provide consultation to patients?
I need answers to above questions and request you very humbly to respond to them within a week which I think is fair amount of time.

Winter

Winter is here.We had around 10 inches of snow in 36 hours last weekend and everything outdoors you can fathom was covered in white.It is gloomy weather everywhere. Only thing you can see outside is grey, gloom.
Winter has never been a nice time for me. At least not in the last two years. Things havent been going 'great' work wise. I booked a ticket to India few months ago but it doesn't look like I will make it. Back at home Mom has been diagnosed with severe lung damage. Its COPD. For some reason even after continuous consulting with doctors it went away undetected and was allowed to get worse. After religiously following the doctor for 1.5 years if this is what you get, COPD at severe, stage then what's the point?
Right now I am furious. And dejected. And helpless. And don't know what else. I have been reading a lot of stuff over the internet about COPD and it is not exciting. Where did we go wrong? Sometimes you just fail to appreciate the positiveness in life. And it is this time right now. How can you keep up your spirit when nothing seems to be going right? I am out of ideas. But I am fighting.

Alternate profession

While I was working in a corporate job I found everything elusive and I and a friend of mine used to compare it with farming a ground and how the later is so fulfilling job. What do you need end of the day. Grow your own food. What better than that? Like run your own company. You may joke about it. Even think about it. But to do it is whole lot different. There are 2 persons I read about that made me go back to this thought (far from action).

First one was a few days ago. A white collar employee from Delhi turns to turmeric farming. Catch it here.

Second and more amazing. It is about about this postgraduate rickshaw wala It takes a lot of guts to come face to face with the urban survival challenge by choice. Obviously it didn't go down well with the family and asa they heard about it they wanted him back in house. The motive was interesting. How many of us can do that?
The Hindu article. The gentleman blogs here.

Happy Diwali

Happy Diwali to all of you. I had to wake up early today to take part in pooja proceedings back home through video conf.
It has been a long day today. Another long day awaits tomorrow. Good nighty!

Two faced

There are two sides of me. One side wants to just be me by myself. Enjoy the solitude. Do not care about going to socialize. The other side forces to go 'out' more. Constantly telling me to not miss the party invitations.
It is difficult to say which side wins. They kinda go hand in hand but in my case, mostly, first side prevails.
I so much want to sit and work. Or just sit and do something interesting.
On a different note I haven't been doing much apart from work. There is a canvas and oil paints waiting for me in my apartment to start working again on them. My squash racquet is stashed beneath my bunk bed somewhere. Haven't biked more than 3 miles in a long time, save one occasion last month. Suspended my facebook account. And haven't been posting blogs either. This needs to be changed.

vichar kijiye

साक्षरता और शिक्षा में कितनी समानता है। शिक्षा का अर्थ केवल साक्षर होना नहीं है।
---

Mom

Translation: What is the similarity between education and literacy. Literacy is not the only meaning of education.

Dumping the cube

I won't be completely wrong if I say that I was busy past month to take time to blog. Some progress made on research front.I can only hope to do enough. I wanna finish before this year ends.

Today I woke up to hear the news that my Rubik's cube has been dumped in garbage bin. Probably not a best way to start your day.
The story goes like this. I got out my cube, disassemble the pieces and cleaned it. Then washed it kitchen sink and left on dining table to dry up. Overnight. So this really dumb guy, who also happens to be my roommate, comes up and supposes that it is there because it is to be thrown away. Dumps it in trash can in kitchen. not only this, proactively clears the kitchen trash in the garbage bin outside. And the morning I hear all of this about the garbage van has took all of it away.

Anyway I have a new cube by Dayan Guhang to be shipped from amazon soon. Lets see how long this one survives the wrath of my roommate.

PM's address to the nation

PM's address to the nation:

I agree with him on petrol and diesel prices. To most extent on LPG. Im divided on the FDI in retail. There is just too much of opinion floating around to comprehensively conclude anything without dedicating time to read them all. There are both positives and negatives. Not sure which one over-weighs the other.

WTF

There are several WTFs going on these days time. Cartoonist Aseem Trivedi arrested for making political cartoon. How can it be a criminal to make cartoons! How? WTF?
A certain politician in Mumbai gives hate speech openly every other day and people, lots of people, even those who are supposedly well to do off intellectually follow the demagogues. Those who are supposed to use their brain not the hate instincts. Lead the society into better place are following (and spreading) demagoguery. Why? WTF?
You can give a hate speech as an occupation and walk free but make a cartoon to get arrested. That's how it works? Why? WTF?
A group of political followers group together and stage protest against another political class. Attack police personal. Manhandle women. But guess what, it is not a crime. They walk free. If you wish to get arrested you better learn to draw cartoons. WTF?
I can go on and on and on. But what's the point. I mean I listen, so do a lot of people, to all the wtf and say wtf? And then what do I do. What could I do? To do anything I need to go way out of way. Which is the point where it all stops. And which is the reason for all the wtfs.

Baking

Today was cooking day. Or baking day. Right now my maiden banana cake is in the hot oven. Half way through it looked good. Fingers crossed. Tomorrow Im going to apple pie bake-off. To be judged by public. Taste all the good pies and then cast your vote.
Saturday is a good time to clear your sleep backlog! Sleep all day and play soccer in the evening. And bake breads in the night.

I think I figured out why I dont like to go to parties. The more I go party the more lonely I feel. I freakin hate it!

The party people will never understand this. Here is one for the party people.

Moving out

This weekend moved out to my new abode in Minneapolis. I must say the I kinda liked the old abode better. I am still wondering why exactly we moved out of our old place.
Moving is such a pain. We arrived at the new house. It is not as savvy as the old one. But I will get along. It is close to Hennepin Avenue which is home to some of the delicious places to eat in town. That is interesting. Lots of food to try this year. kramarczuk is a Polish cuisine place. Seafood market is just few blocks. Some greek salads just stone-throw away.

The thirteenth one

This week is just about an year I have been in this country. No signs of first visit back home in sight as of yet. Hopefully December could be the lucky month. If everything goes well in the coming Fall semester it could happen. This will be the thirteenth semester.

अब जब तुम्हारा जन्मदिन है

अब जब तुम्हारा जन्मदिन है
आज भी वो क्षण याद है
जब तुम नन्हें  शिशु के रूप में
मेरी गोद में आये ।
तुम्हारी बाल क्रीडाओं और
मीठी मीठी बातों से
समय के पन्नो पर
रंगीन चित्र से बन गये ।
याद है तुम्हारी भोली भली नादानियां ।

और आज जब तुम इतने
बड़े हो गए हो ।
मैं वापस लौट जाती हूँ
अपनी उम्र के उसी पड़ाव पर
जब तुम नन्हें शिशु के रूप में
मेरी गोद में आये ।

 ---
Mom

One handed

Getting used to one-handed way of life. I wonder how much you can do with only one hand and some finger tricks.
Try chopping tomatoes with one hand. It's fun!
One thing you cant do is tie you shoe lace. You can tuck them in though. Just tuck 'em in all day long. And keep tucking 'em in every time they come out. Don't tie 'em up.
Eating with one hand limits your palate to great extent. You can't have big american sandwiches. No fork+knife. Best bet is to use a spoon with one (left) hand.
Soaping  yourself with one hand is a different art in itself altogether. With practice you can do it. Use everything except wrist. Shampoo, facewash all do-able with finger tricks.

Accident

What are the odds that you will be traveling 10+ mph on a road bike on a nice sunny morning and there will be a tree on the side of the road with a wire hanging from top and that wire will entangle in your bike and you will fall down from over-speeding bike?
Well however small the odds you do happen to be just unlucky sometimes. Today was my day to be unlucky. I fell down and put all the body weight on one hand and seriously injured my right wrist. Xrays dont see fracture but it still hurts lot. It may take as long as 10 days to heal. If it is a hidden fracture, 1% chance then it may take months and an operation. Odds are small but nevertheless, fingers crossed! Its good that it is over weekend. I can start working from Monday if the pain alleviates.
Right now I have splint in one hand to keep the wrist in place. And yes typing with one hand is pain.

letter

Received rakhi and cards and letters. And chocolates. All in hardcopy. From India.
It has different meaning altogether. As if the letter carries the presence of people across time and distance to you.

Hello

Hello.....
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on.
Now.

Oblivion

Some people just go in oblivion.

Good morning

I woke up just now. Lying in the bed. And for no reason I'm feeling a bit lonely. It's not like I don't have friends and I'm really lonely but still as I said for no reason. May be it were the dreams. I don't remember what were they like. Most of the time I don't. Just after I wake up, it's gone! Like it were in a different, parallel, world. Anyways the point was I was feeling lonely.
It is not like im suffering or something. For a change, work wise things are going great. I would not say great, but not bad. Learning some new things. Started getting some results. Hitting my head on a big code in C which has absolutely no documentation. New a advisor has been good so far. Group members are many europeans so it has been tradition of starting with euro cup matches on big screen instead of presentations.
Anyways I need to do something about it. But I don't know. May be I will just wait for the feeling to go away. I have a new road bike but I haven't taken it out yet. I think I need to go out more. May be. Btw if you haven't read Nikola Tesla's biography it is great. Just because the man was great. It is very inspiring.

Country obsessed with cartoons

Country obsessed with cartoons. That is what can be concluded of the following list, which by no means, is exhaustive.

Jayalalithaa joins chorus against cartoon in NCERT textbook

Now Karunanidhi wants cartoon removed from NCERT textbook

Controversial Cartoon on Dr.Ambedkar?

Professor's cartoon was murder threat: Mamata - The Hindu

Regret

I have realized that we always regret more for things that we don't do than things that we do. Do more. Regret less.
I had been at this awesome food truck who really know how to 'cook' vegetarian food. Potter's pasties and pies they call themselves. The Thai Veg Pasty was close to any Indian stuffed carbohydrate dish. Like Samosa. Sesame short bread sweatdish with basil syrup was also delight. They dont make as good pie as I have had.
I am up to a nice and ok working schedule in my work. I have observed a very well document fact about productivity vs day of week. Like you would see in PhD comics kind of websites. They are not comic imagination. It is real. It is friday evening and I am trying to finish reading some stuff ('A numerical method for solving the 3D unsteady incompressible Navier-Stokes equations in curvilinear domains with complex immersed boundaries' for those who are curious to know what) and not able to stick to it.

On SMS and subtle corporate war

Nice article. Nice overview of things if you are willing to believe. In times when media is flooded with myriad of opinions it is difficult to decide whom to believe.
I would rather chose him (author).

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/article3494081.ece

A king who chooses to ignore the first principle of statecraft that the royal staff must be tapped — and, tapped hard — once in a while should be prepared to be called corrupt.

SMS stands for Sardar Manmohan Singh.

New lab

So I started work at new lab today. Officially it was first day. Group meeting at 2:30. I was there 5 min early. I realized that people started arriving from 2:30 and in next 5 minutes there were 12 people in the room. I introduced myself to everyone. A gentleman from Iran was disappointed in me because he thought (from my name) that I was a female student. So far being used to hearing gazillion different ways to pronounce my own name there comes the new one. Have you watched the movie Lord of the rings? What was the name of the main bad guy? Does it sound similar to my name! :) Remarkably, although so small a group we spanned all of globe in nationalities. We covered the countries: United States, Spain, Greece, Iran, Russia, China, India, Vietnam, Korea. Holy damn, that's 9 countries! We could have held international peace conference in that room!

2 hours into the meeting I realized that it is serious stuff and I am sitting with highly qualified people. The lowest completed academic qualification in the room was Master's degree. Average qualification in the room was beyond (hand-fully beyond) Ph.D.

This summer is going to be crucial because end of summer will be decisive about my stay in the group. One thing is for sure I have a lot hard work ahead. Only to catch up with these guys. I am excited about it. After all that was what I wanted. Right now I am reading a book on tensor algebra. Future work involves programming in CUDA on GPUs. I am waiting for all this to come. I've got my office set up in there. It is in a room which does not smell much of human habitat. Everyone in the room could have heard the key-strokes of my computer. Most of the lab-mates sit in different room. This facility is off campus, some 15 blocks away. Which means that it is difficult to meet folks I used to hang out with in the main campus. Isolated. I have to travel 2 miles more everyday. Everything has its price. On optimistic note this may be worth the price.

Sometimes I love it

This person is is undergoing lot of exciting things in life. Because sometimes uncertainty can be exciting. And sometimes you just love it!

Recession

Half the professors in Mechanical Engineering department do not seem to be doing any research at all. Every other guy I meet and ask about the research the only answer is they don't have funded research projects. I wonder what is happening at University of Minnesota. Is it the recession hitting the university or really dumb professors or really dumb me not able to find a professor? Whatever it is there are more students than research positions at the U at this time. I don't know where the new students in Fall-12 are going to land up.
All the nice ones don't have money. Those (v.few) who have money are not-so-nice!

Tears

कितने कीमती होते है आसू
असली मोती से भी मूल्यवान |
Opening lines by Mom from her "spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility". You can only wonder what the rest of the content would be. It is an irresistible feeling to shed tears. In the first half. Followed by the irresistible feeling to stop shedding tears in the ending half. I could not capture the all of it over phone. I can't describe the emotions in my own words. It is impossible. You can only feel it.

Bite

Coming from a background where I simply did not know how do academic failure look like and little on how to handle them. Failure is difficult to handle. Not something that you anticipate mostly. And that is when and why it bites hardest - in your arse. And everywhere else too. But on the brighter side it is good to know your limits because you know where you need to push now. Lesson learnt is be prepared anytime for anything. Taking a fall is okay. Because it is in coming back from it is what defines you. "And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." Master Wayne.

I passed

I passed the PhD qualifying exams this week. Finally. In second attempt at oral exams. Freaking oral exams!

Someday

Sometimes it's hard to keep up your spirit. But that's what you should do.

Sometimes some decisions bite back so hard that you wish you have undo button in life.

Sometimes you wish you be somewhere else but you aren't.

Sometimes your life is hard because that's the time you wanted when it wasn't.
Sometimes you almost want to be detached of everything but you cant just because there is 'so much' of everything that it will take forever.

Holi and Mr. Jack

After a long time I took a break and it was holi party at a friend's house. I cooked indian cuisines 'chhole and puri' with american touch which means less spices and some saucy flavor. There were some american friends who were not known to be very familiar with spicy food. Puris were amazingly good when they came out of the fry pan. Round and puffy! Chhole were also nice . There was  a lot more.  A genuine american homemade apple cake. lemon cookies. Peanut cookies. Some Hydrabadi dishes brought memories from Hyderabad. I think I like that place. And my tounge has somewhat developed taste for spicy hydrabadi food. We ate and ate and ate.
Anyways that was food. played some games for the afternoon. Playing mafia with 12 people is fun. Last part was holi colors. On the river bank under the bridge. That was our playing ground. It was my first dry holi but it was no less fun than wet ones. We were joined by some passer-bys who I think enjoyed the colors as well. And we also got audience from over the bridge.
Returning back in all variety of colors on faces and cloths the pervasive feeling was that it was a nice celebration of festival of colors and the end if spring break. Coincidently  it was also St. Patrick.'s day in US. On our way back we were strangely looking creatures covered in colorful cheer.
That was end of the party not the day. For the second time I braved myself for going to a local bar in company of two friends. I remember how bloody bored to death I  was first time. For someone who doesn't drink and dance bar is no place to be. Just sit and sip your coke. From my coke I put the straw in the wine glass and that was the worst taste of my life. It was so terribly awful, to the extremes that I sent it back through the straw in the glass. It was supposed to be some classy scotch Jack Daniels. Mr. Jack was scary! It's really surprising why people drink such awfuly tasting things. So much to get high. So much to fool yourself away from reality.

Confidence

It is amazing what self confidence (our it's lack thereof) can do to you.

Solitude matters

In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated.
The power of introverts.

Virus

I've been a little busy last few weeks. And little sick too. The viral infection in throat keeps haunting again and again. I hate viruses. Im on the verge of recovery now.

Out of office

So now I am 'out of office'! Quite literally. May be it is the ghost of last semester exam chasing. I don't know what's the thing about freaking oral exams that people have kinkiness for. But weather you like it or not. It all comes in a package. It is about a month before I take them on for the second time. Having a sense of dejavu preparing for the same stuff over and over again. Never thought this will happen but as Mother Mary said let it be. It doesn't matter what you know it matters what you show.

Im not pessimist but I like thinking about worst things because if just in case they fall upon you, you are not caught by surprise. As I was last semester.

Busy

You know you are busy when the only time you remember that you have to get a new soap is when you are half drenched in shower and looking for it. And then end up using your flatmates'. Thanks that I am not living alone.

Laugh

Laugh because you are here!

All

I know I am not writing a lot these days. The school has started and the first week has flown past. The week was okay. We ordered dough mixer from amazon in our apartment and first test run was today. It is used to knead the wheat flour for Chapatis. The experiment was successful if you define success =1 and failure =0 and then round off the outcome to closest integer. ;)

I am considering taking sometime off from blogger. May be it is not a nice idea. But I could give it a try. Meanwhile there is significant change in nocturnal habits. You can see me sleep as early as 11 these days and get up before 8 am. Btw 8 am is the time here at this time of year when the Sun has just come up. Sunrise time is close to 7:45. So one of these days when I reached home all juiced up and just crashed in the bed and when woke up (without alarm beeping) in the bed found it was still dark and thought it might be 7:__ odd something and went to bathroom and came back and took time and bath and then breakfast, just the usual one, cornflakes in milk, and then looked at the clock and it was 6:15 and I was like, wow! surprised. Surprised! Wow.

I am also playing squash officially this semester in an intermediate level course. It is nice fun. I get to play against a lot of people and learn a lot. Everything is going so nice. Except for the thing for which I am here. Research.

Sweets from home

12th semester starts next week. My targets are pushed back somewhat. But Im in fight. Today it started with TA workshop mandatory for all people who will be TA (Teaching Assistant). I will be taking up job of TA for two courses.

Today was a happy day! I received the package of home-made sweets,pickles and snacks. Home sweet home and home-made sweets. Wow! They look nice. Be my guest. :)

Reminiscence

Sometimes I remember the old days when I used to travel back home. From Kanpur to Allahabad my hometown on train. The early morning seemed so nice. It was so different. So calm all around only the birds chirping. And the sunset/sunrise in the rustic background of the hostel (Hall 9) was a treat to watch. I kind of miss those mornings. And the evenings too when I would just stand in at the end of last block facing west. The breeze was so strong you could almost hear it sing the kind of songs which inspired William Wordsworth. I am not a gifted poet but I am human I can feel the same.
At the back of hostel, in fact on three sides, there were a vast ground usually covered with tall bushes. The kind of bushes you see on Africa jungles on NGC. In the dawn and dusk the sun against the high rise bushes made a lovely picture. You ought to see it. I wish I could see it again. A picture will give you some idea. It was nothing like living in such a place. It is priceless.

Duniya mein hun duniya ka talabgaar nahi hu

Duniya mein hun duniya ka talabgaar nahin hun
Bazar se guzara hun kharidar nahin hun

Zinda hun magar zist ki lazzat nahin baqi
har chand ki hun hosh mein hoshiyar nahin hun

Iss Khaanaa-e-hasti se guzar jaunga belaus
Saaya hun faqat naqsh-e-diivaar nahin hun

Afasurda hun ibaarat se davaa ki nahin hajat
Gum kaa mujhe ye zauf hai bimaar nahin hun

Wo gull hun khizan ne jise barbaad kiya hai
Uljhun kisi daman se main vo khaar nahin hun

---

(This poem is in urdu. Poet is Akbar Allahabadi)
Translation of urdu words:
talabgaar - some one who desires
zist - life/existance
lazzat - flavor
Khaanaa - room/house/compartment
hasti - existance
belaus - without any trace
faqat - beauty/elegance
Afasurda - melancholy/depressed
ibaarat - metaphorical meaning/ style
hajat - desire
gull - flower
khaar - thorn
more urdu words?

Home alone

The time has passed quickly after we got back from Chicago. All the mates who share apartment with me are gone for the break and I'm home alone! Living alone, cooking alone. :(
Although it can be argued that I am not among the extrovert living beings, I am more used to seeing people around me.
Not much to get started till 10th, the day we start the lab group meetings. I am not very sure of how long I will stay in the group but I will have to go to the meetings anyway.
When you chose advisor what is more important? What are you working in or who are you working with? Obviously second question will haunt you to desperation if you ignore it.

Btw since it is new year new year wishes to all of you. Although there was nothing new this new year