Now and again

Sometimes, at some point in life, out of two choices the one that is pleasing and beatific and the one that is feasible are not the same. They might be poles apart. By poles apart I mean there seems no midway between them. You have to decide either to go with the first choice or not.

Of course you want the first choice because it is the pleasing one and the one that you 'want'. But it is not feasible, at least ostentatiously. You are left with only one option which is feasible.

The more you think the more precarious your situation becomes. So may be its better to stop writing and engage in other things so that you don't get to think about it. That's what I have been trying from quite some time (a year may be). But inadvertently you get back to it spasmodically. There are fits I'm inflicted with at times. And the best way is to write them off. Each time it's reflected in blogs.

Best thing as seems now is to get a sleep and start afresh tomorrow. With wordlist 42. [:|]

Signing off...

"Don't want to cry when there's people there
I get shy when they start to stare
I'm gonna hide myself away, ay hay
But I'll come back again someday"

New OS

Logged and locked to new operating system. Ubuntu 9. Has some cool features and few drawbacks. Only major thing that will always be missed on lnux based OSs is a class document processor like Microsoft Office 2007. Undoubtedly it is the most compelling feature that keeps windows OS running. For rest of the things there is 'Wine' emulator. :D
Highly customizable OS. Saves from the hastles of virus and anti-virus. Resource efficient. Dashing looks. And not to mention comes for free.

Up again

Last few days I was out of blogger. My laptop was down. Heating problem. The reason as it appeared later was blockage due to dust collection in front of fan. This is a design flaw in all Dell Inspiron 1525s. But very happy with the Dell's policy of using bomb to kill mouse. They changed my  2GB RAM, heat sink, and motheroard. Not to mention under warranty cover. Only grievance is the motherboard is a refurbished one.

And with the laptop I was also down in spirits. Although these two things don't have correlation. Part of the reason may be that I came close to being thrashed by my supervisor for the crime of duplicating an assignment. But fortunately it was spared of the embarrassment.

I've been lagging a bit in wordlists. But hope to catch the wind soon.

Now I'm up again. On high!

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

Some elusive questions

• Has nostalgia ever killed anyone? 

• Should I take the risk where I have chance of being first?

• Will the risk be worth it?

• Will I be able to prove  that the risk bore fruits?

• How big will the fruit be and will it be commensurate with the risk (and the efforts)?

• Is there a remote possibility that I will fall in the '(n+1)- year' trap?

• Are any of these questions worth pondering at this crucial time?

This is it as it was

OK people so its time for confessions. Questions will be posed, comments will be hit and banters will be pulled. But it has to come sooner or later. After all it's an auto-blogo-graphy. It ought to have every episode in my life.

I don't know how it happens but yes truly there are no Rules of Attraction. It can be said after some concessions (1 or 2) that practically I have not met her but why do I always have a corner for her. She shares some space in my thoughts. It started a year after we met. In the year earlier to that I never felt similar to what happened latter. But why? No answer. I cannot answer. I don't even know if there exists an answer. I just know that there was this amorphous connection with her.

May be its just that I admire her qualities and because she is a girl I'm feeling like that. I admire many people around me for many things. May be it is because it is for the first time I have known any girl so close. May be because I have not been exposed to the company of opposite sex much. (The 'not much' in the above sentence can be interpreted as never if the criteria for exposure is made more rigorous.) I always felt that there are thousands unexplored acquaintances/relations in this world. May be this was only one of thousands. Anyways the feeling was unusual. But I'm not here to brainstorm the reasons.

She knows about what I feel. This happened so because I simply told her what I felt. In the same way as I'm telling here now. Through a post. So what is next thing to come. I'm just waiting for the agitation to settle down. I'm waiting from something around less than a year. And in the meantime we have come one full circle. We've argued, fought, stopped talking and then started afresh. Thereafter never discussed on the same matter again. Just left it untouched.

So what is the current stage of development. I am a hardcore optimist and believe that I will be happy in whatever condition at whatever price. There are very few things which can bind me to deficiencies and consequently yearnings. Season is gone and things fade away with time. I'm settled into my good old life. It was kinda teenager-ish stuff. I don't know how it came into being but so was it. I'll not lie that it wasn't. There is no shame in telling truth.

Everything happened much earlier. It just never struck my mind that I should write a summary of events in a post. Okey, that's not 100% truth (:P). But you can't figure out the mess while into it. Elevated I can look back (and laugh) and define what it was. As of now I'm not really after her and at the same time do not ignore her. To translate I do not tend to call her up frequently but attend or callback if she called (on cellphone). And we are still very good friends and share many things with each other.

I considered adding more texts and references but to abridge what is in my mind will take time and since I have to devote it to many other things, which I recently undertook, I decided against it.

(P.S. to those who know her name. I don't like put named reference on my blogs for some reasons. From my best mates to acquaintances. No names.)

Half way through

Officially I'm half way through the barron's lists. But learning by heart requires repeated efforts and that requires time. But as for the first effort it's done! As per game plan it's up to maximum of 20. For the 25 lists left. That's too few...

Once again me and a friend on one more decisive night came to an important decision that we should try and maintain conversation in our second language in the wake of imminent placement season. It spur from a statement of mine that we should try and uphold the tradition that our wing-mates started last year. Tradition of good WPR (wing placements result). Speaking in language other is never as expressive as mother tongue. It's not that I'm not comfortable but I'm used to listening in that style. Its more about style rather than language. And that style can only come in one way which is natural to us. Hitler said: In times of war no man is civilian. So in times as these no one needs to play himself. We need to be what corporates want us to be. And that is 'highly trained professionals'. 

::Just a thought. Or rather realization: Best moment to be happy is now! If you don't learn to be happy now then you can never be happy. Because every moment is now.

Decent going

So I started with this years placement process officially. By attending the first PPT. National Instruments. seems to be a good company requiring technical and technical skills only.

Few days back my cellphone stopped speaking. All of a sudden it went completely mute. It took some time before I got chance to get it repaired. But it's no longer dumb!

I'm on list 21. It has been over a month now and still not half way through! That seems daunting. But now choices have dwindled away with time. I have to but study.

The game plan is to finish with barron's list in this month or early(first 5 days) next month. And then start with exhaustive mock test taking, practicing analytical writing and quantitative part.

But you know what happens when there are two deadlines to one task. It is deemed as one in the end. Let's see what happens this time. That was because with the amount of input as I'm giving it seems less realistic to attain the first one. Nevertheless I will have dushehra holidays in between during which I've decided NOT to go home.(not in bold :D )

By the way I am thinking of posting a something which may bring me embarrassment and chaffing but may form a good read. I'm not sure whether I should post it here or not.

And finally

And finally I registered for gre test in exchange of lot of money. Now I am supposed to get more serious about wordlist mugging. 33 more to go! The date is 21 Oct. Not too far. People say that RC (Reading Comprehension) section gave them blues. It is the most tricky one. Need to practice on that.

Our first stipend deposit is awaited. Waiting for the amount. Then register for TOEFL as well. Now that Im doing it I'll do it sincerely. Whatever I may decide but I will not leave any room so as to regret later. It's good to have an offer and reject than trying half-heartedly and getting complacent with the meagre result. So i'll try, instead.

Time to show some sport and get up to challenges. 

Weird

Sometime it feels really weird. And this time it feels like it's sometime. Just because you have to do something and you don't know how to go about it. Or what to do with it. Whatever. It's bit quandary out here. Thinking it over and over again. I need to act promptly.

Go Go Go!!!