A geek's way of expressing surprise and denial

Why do all the things you feel nice about always have to come to an end? And the way they come to an end has an expectation value of variable which is an array of index n (where n tends to infinity) each element of which have value infinity (that's a geek's way of saying 'totally unexpected'). The end result is not what surprises or rather I would say matters most but the way it comes. Like they cut your marks on the steps you take to prove a mathematical identity not the identity you prove. Identity is something invariably true the way taken to prove it are important.

I don't know what to write. It's like an exam. I'm feeling like I came to give an exam but by mistake I sat in classroom in which other exam was being conducted and with the question paper of the course I never prepared I'm puzzled how to proceed. Should I quit and submit the paper? Or should I try to explain now I was not meant for this exam? In any case I will get an F because invigilator is gone and no one to explain. I only wish invigilator would have shown more rationale(forgive the grammar). Call it luck, call it fate, call it destiny, call it Karma, call it will of God or call it Butterfly Effect (remember Chaos Theory) it is all that I'm into.

But given the emotional giant I am, my mother made me that strong (mentally) that I can even come out of schizophrenia, I will get over and soon-be-enjoying. I will soon be feasting upon the F. I welcome my failures also. It is just that this one was not in my list as to be defined as success or failure. This was not I would have confronted. But facts are more real than the shoulds and woulds. Soon I'll be sitting in another exam for good grades. and before that for tomorrows quiz!

But there is still one hope. There is 1% doubt if it was Mid-Sem exam rather than End-sem. I can recover in end-sem if given chance. But the scar of being 'tagged' bad boy because of F will remain. Of all those who know me know me as a good boy. I never intend to hurt anyone but sometimes it goes opposite. But nevertheless as they say policies do matter. My policies were right. I never felt bad about doing the right thing and I wish others understood it. But again shoulds and woulds do not always happen in life.

At the end of it I'll again sing a song get by:

“hazaron khawahishen aisi ki har khawahish pe dam nikle,
bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle”

And given the Beatles fan I am I will sing one more:

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all